Beloved core wound
I have known you most of my life as a deep aching in my heart, a soreness and trembling in my solar plexus, an empty hole in my belly, as feelings of insecurities, sorrow and endless grief and mostly as an intense need to be wanted and loved.
For so long I have been trying to heal you. At first, I tried to talk about you with my first talk therapist.
I tried to breath into you and have rebirthed you many times.
I tried to dance and express your pain. I screamed, I stomped and sobbed my eyes out curled up in the fetal position.
I tried to drop through you, all the way through each emotional layer to find peace in the core of you.
I heard of enlightenment. I meditated and inquired and sought what was beyond you. I had many glimpses of an immense spaciousness. Then one day, this spacious presence broke out of my body and flowed into everything surrounding me. I felt free and liberated as there was no pain, no history, no fear, only this radiant brightness.
Spacious presence became more permanent, a silent stillness permeating everything und yet you lurked in the background occasionally raising your head.
Ok, I got it. You made it clear. You, the wound, are longing for the freedom and love that I am. So I stopped and attended to you. Welcoming you, embracing you and finally loving you. I loved and loved and loved. I kept asking you: “What do you need?” and you showed me the way, teaching me to love you in ways you had never been loved before. We laughed and cried together. Exhaustedly you fell asleep in my loving embrace. Finally at rest.
You dropped deep down through my body, deep into the Ground of Being. You grew vast and radiant. A happy innocence returned.
Is this the end?
No, you came again. This time you came for the healer, for the divine parent, for the light worker who never had a day off in over twenty years!
The healer finally broke down in utter exhaustion and the realisation dawned that this journey had never been about the wound.
The wound had brought out all that love inside and had finally brought compassion itself to rest. The heart wide a blaze said: ‘Thank you wound for healing me’
At first the wound was surprised and even shocked. “How can I have healed you? Were you not the one healing me?”
The healer responded: “Thank you for healing me from healing you. Thank you for having shown me the love that I am and through that the love that you are.”
That ended a spell and both the wound and the healer gave up their divine role play and rooted deeply and firmly into the ground, being fed and nurtured as the ground itself.
A deeply grounded compassion was born, where nothing needs to be removed, added or edited.