No more nice

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I don’t want to be kind.

I don’t want to be understanding.

I don’t want to be loving.

I don’t want to be spiritual.

I don’t want to be compassionate.

I don’t want to be giving.

I don’t want to be good.

I don’t want to smile.

I don’t want to shine.

I don’t want your enlightenment.

 

Says a stroppy voice inside.

I stop in my tracks and listen.

‘No more nice’ she says.

 

She presents herself

as all my defences

as all my contractions

as frustration and irritation

as rage and fury

as exhaustion

as my inner child

as all that which I have

been trying to change

for so many years.

 

And she is not budging.

She will not shift.

F… you!

She says defiantly.

 

Unsure of how to be with her,

I say tentatively:

“How wise. I am so sorry,

I have tried to turn you

into my ideas

of enlightenment.

How rude of me!“

 

Now, I get the sense of the presence

of a very powerful Being.

I bow to her and whisper:

„I am so sorry for my ignorance.

I obviously haven’t got a clue.

Can I be your student?

Will you take me on?

Will you teach me the ancient ways?“

 

She smiles and winks at me.

Then she growls like a giant bear.

She stomps like a herd of elephants.

She roars like a majestic lion.

She soars like a mighty dragon.

And finally erupts in my body as molten lava.

Burning all the ‘nice and spiritual programs’

in my body.

 

Over time, she teaches me 

how to be natural.

She shows me that when

all her moods are welcome

and treated as divinity,

when she is allowed to follow

what feels good and right for her,

she is naturally overflowing

in her giving.

 

She is for real.

She is the embodiment

of our Soul.

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